Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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