meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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