Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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