There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
