I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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