it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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