we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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