I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
