Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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