Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
