After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I will pee on everything he values.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
