i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
