I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
