found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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