watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
