You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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