It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
