I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
