Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
