Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
