It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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