I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
