what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
