I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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