You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
