Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
