you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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