dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
