Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
