the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
