it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
