Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
