Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
