I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
