I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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