There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
