That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
