well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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