So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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