3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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