She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
