his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
