I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
