if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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