ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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