He is like the real live version of the state fair..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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