i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
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I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
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We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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