it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
