Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
