i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
