My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Vodka?
Forever.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Randomize
