her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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