Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
