The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
