I accidentally had phone sex last night
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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