is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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