Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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