do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
