I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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