i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
All I want is dick and wine.
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