apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think my fart just growled at me.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
