And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My life is pants optional.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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