already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
