new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
