you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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