It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just high enough for therapy.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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