I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
