Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
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smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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