At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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