I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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