..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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