I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
