I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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