just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
