Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
