He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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