think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
