Banned from zoo.
Again?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Randomize
