Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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