somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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