She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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