My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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