so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
