In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"