And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
