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• (949): View more from California

  Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (718): View more from New York

  Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.

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• (772): View more from Florida

  At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?

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• (631): View more from New York

  She told me I should be a condom model.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (716): View more from New York

  She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Exactly how many...is TOO many?

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?

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• (941): View more from Florida

  Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out

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