You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette