Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
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Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She told me I should be a condom model.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
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She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out