Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Plan B is the new Plan A

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(541): View more from Oregon

There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?

(253): View more from Washington

Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(781): View more from Massachusetts

You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar

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(361): View more from Texas

Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?

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(586): View more from Michigan

This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder

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(949): View more from California

it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink

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