just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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